reading the blog post

in this very moment, let's take a close look at our raw experience of reading the blog post.

by 'raw' i just mean the bare, unfiltered experience of whatever is happening while you read these words. if bodily sensations arise, or if something distracting happens around you, or if audible sounds in the room are taking place, let's just lump it all together and call the whole thing "reading the blog post."

if you have to re-read a sentence for clarification, that's okay. if you break mid-sentence to check your email, or run to the bathroom, or scratch your foot, just notice that experience too is also a part of this complete thing we're calling "reading the blog post."

anything can happen as you read through this...and all of it is completely welcome for the purpose of this experiment.

so, notice the process of reading. notice that as you read each word you vaguely hear some sort of ambiguous, internal voice speaking the words as your eyes scroll through the sentence. perhaps you might notice that you are also very quietly and effortlessly whispering the words with a slight movement of the tongue and lips. if you don't notice this happening, no worries.

as you read through the words you'll also notice a subtle sense of interpretation and internal critique of almost every word. perhaps you feel a sense of agreement with what is being conveyed, or maybe you sense joy, or frustration, or whatever it might be. just take notice of this felt sense of interpretation, and at the same time, remember that the speaking internal voice that is reading along with you has not ceased.

notice that this internal reading voice will not cease through out the rest of "reading the blog post."

now take notice of the visual characteristics of looking at the screen. notice the white light surrounding the thin dark letters. notice the simultaneous perception of peripheral vision even though your awareness is focused on individual letter forms.

take note of any bodily sensations that are arising. notice the steady, perhaps shallow breathing in and out. if you are sitting down, notice the pressure and warmth of being firmly rooted against the chair. notice any sort of pain, discomfort, or even pleasurable sensations occurring in the body. notice any slight movements of of your arms, fingers, or legs.

notice how everything described so far is seamlessly happening without any real effort on your part.

notice how everything is happening simultaneously.

notice how everything being talked about is a conceptual overlay of the actual, raw experience. notice that this conceptual overlay is also apart of the experience of "reading the blog post."

notice how these words cannot fully grasp the complete totality of your current experience. no matter how descriptive or poetic they might be, notice how any thought, word, or description about "reading the blog post" falls short of this actual, subjective experience.

notice that the content of these words could change into absurd notions of irrelevance and yet "reading the blog post" would still be taking place.

notice the conceptual ideas and labels you currently carry alongside this raw experience. notice your full name, age, gender and physical attributes you carry. notice the time of day and try to recall what day of the week it is. notice the year and conceptualize what the weather is like outside. notice the name of the city, state and country you are in. notice the name of this place we call earth. notice the solar system, galaxy, and universe that all of this is contained within.

notice how none of these conceptual ideas could possibly take away from this experience called "reading the blog post." notice how they are all inherently welcome. in fact, notice how they are all inherently apart of this current experience whether they are welcome or not.

notice any sense of past that is presently here. maybe there is a vague recollection of fear, remorse, peace, boredom, depression, satisfaction, etc that is somehow here with you from the past. notice any sort of anticipation of the future. maybe you're about to get off work, or go on vacation, or maybe you're subtly scared about some indescribable, immanent threat to your well being.

notice how all of this is in someway occurring within "reading the blog post."

notice that you cannot find whatever it is that is interpreting this wide array of phenomena. notice that any conceptual thing you do find here is in someway being noticed by something that is more fundamental and raw. perhaps you call this noticing presence 'I' or 'me'. notice that the words 'I' and 'me' are a conceptual overlay of this direct, raw essence.

notice how all these thoughts and ideas are completely transparent and silent.

notice how this experience is just one seamless, stable movement.

notice how this experience is completely alive and full.

notice that nothing is lacking for this experience to take place.

notice that "reading the blog post" is abundantly living, without effort or personal will power.

notice that you are completely inseparable from the totality of this experience.

you = "reading the blog post"

you = everything

you are this.

notice that this essence of experience is going on all the time. at work, at play, in deep sleep, in times of boredom, frustration, anger, bliss, mundane interactions, deep conversations, etc.

remove the label "reading the blog post," and you are left right smack in the middle of raw, unfiltered life.

in fact keep the label, and you are still right there with it.

notice again that all these thoughts and ideas are completely transparent and silent.

notice how expansive and yet intimate this experience really is.

notice how this is always the case in every moment of life and at all times.

notice how free life is.

notice how you are life.

you are not an object

objective reality will never explain or satisfy our subjective experience.

no matter how advanced our scientific research and technology becomes at explaining the natural world, we will forever remain in subjective reality. our subjective experience cannot be fully explained because any explanation or interpretation of that experience would, by definition, be an object within subjectiveness itself.

no matter how far forward we explore, seek, learn or expand our intellectual understanding of the objective universe, we will never experience any thing that is actually outside of "ourselves". we could fly to the furthest reaches of the galaxy, we could define the innermost workings of the sub-conscious, we could fall madly in love, we could discover alien life, or we could meet God, and we would only arrive right where we began; subjective experience.

this is not to say that objective reality or the scientific/intellectual study of objects has no value. in fact, they are of infinite value!

without the appearance, exploration and understanding of objective phenomena, our subjective experience would be void of any experiential qualities. it would be a non-experience. that is to say, in the absence of objects, our subjective experience is something akin to deep sleep. this non-experience is a collapse of time, space, and the objective universe as we know it. however, from our own direct knowledge, we explicitly understand that life is not always a non-experience. it is most certainly something most of the time--something that is greatly misidentified.

this mis-identification begins with fear of non-experience. in the human condition, we confuse our subjective awareness with an object (usually the body), and in-turn, we become convincingly terrified that all the universe will vanish when this vulnerable, limited human object comes to pass.

all objects come to pass. no object is permanent. therefore all objects are dependent on some sort of preexisting, permanent infrastructure. what could that be? what is the preexisting infrastructure of the entire objective universe? could it be anything other than our own subjective awareness? is this not our direct experience? have you ever experienced anything outside of your own awareness?

if we are completely honest, there is no such thing as an objective experience. the body (or any object for that matter) is nothing more than a passing phenomenon within subjective awareness. there can be no empirical evidence of any object without the simultaneous presence of subjective awareness. they are inseparable. the opposite is also true; there can be no empirical evidence of subjective awareness without the simultaneous presence of an object.

this is all to say that life is one.

however, the human condition at large is deeply spellbound by objective reality. we firmly believe that we are a limited, vulnerable, fleshy little object in a vast, complex system of innumerable objects--most of which are in some way a threat to our short life.

this completely innocent misidentification can begin to be corrected with one honest look towards our direct experience right now: are you within the body, or is the body within you? right now, are you within the world, or is the world within you? were you born? will you die? from your own empirical experience, which is all that you have, have you ever not been? have you ever experienced anything outside of your own awareness?

asking these questions deeply and honestly, will reveal the truth of who you are and who you will always be.

one instant

you were never given more than this instant.

you have but this one particle of time.

you were never handed two moments and asked to sort them out.

show me this past and future you carry, and then remember it is only now.

forever and always this one blessed moment is given you.

it is simply here.

has this moment ever not been here?

For All Time

To live freely we must let go of the subtle, underlying notion that sometime in the past we were more innocent, more care-free, or somehow happier than we are now. Also, we must let go of the subtle, underlying idea that things will be worse off in the future. These poisonous ideas will naturally subside if we consciously drop the hard-edged storyline of birth and death, yesterday and tomorrow, past and future. Our reverence for youth and absolute fear of death is nothing more than an escape from the ever-present reality of this moment. If we remain here, we are free for all time.

Your Fire

the world is on fire.

and your thoughts are like flames trying to put it out.

running this way and that,

spreading destruction with every step.

violently screaming, “there is no peace, truth, or good here! all must change to how I see fit!”

indeed.

you shall become a blazing inferno!

let your mad quest for peace consume you.

for you would do good to burn yourself out.

only then will you remember what was so before you set yourself ablaze.

and when all the fires of your dreams have gone,

in the calm, luminous expanse of reality,

you will laugh heartily at all the ways you tried to squelch the flames of life

with your fire.

A Love Letter to the Ego, from a Mirror.

The inability to admit you are wrong is better than chocolate cake.

The fact that you cannot communicate your ideas in a constructive manner is awesome.

You are completely incapable of forgiving anyone, including yourself. Well done!

It is surprisingly refreshing that you are guilt-ridden, selfish, and compulsively afraid of death.

The hard lines of division and separation you draw are a work of art.

Your selfish pursuit of personal pleasure, comfort, and gain is absolutely beautiful.

It’s pure magic the way you subtly hate your body, pretend to love it, and then project on to others your own physical insecurities.

Your insatiable appetite for things you do not have is a wonder to behold.

Your preoccupation with past and future events, and your complete resistance to accept things as they are right now is just peachy.

Your inability to love is lovely.

Your complete hatred of all things different is like a blossoming rose.

The fact that you cannot laugh or even smile brings great joy.

If it could even be said that you have a single flaw,
it would be that you just can’t see how truly perfect you really are.

I’ve always loved you.

Happiness is what's happening.

Look back at a time when you were happy and notice how "you" were not really there.

This happy time does not have to be some ecstatic, divine experience of enlightenment—just a pure, simple happiness that might have come with the sound of laughter and smiles. This happiness you felt is a natural state of lightness and a care-free abandonment of the self. In it, there is no past story or worry for the future. There is nothing to really cling to. "Time flies" and you relax into the present moment of beingness—that is, not being a "you".

Some might call it an escape.

However, it is not that you really stop or escape from being "you". It is more of a natural realization that "you" and the "experience" are the same thing. "You" become that funny joke, a lover's eyes, a baby's smile, or a warm bed. The defining line of the physical body is relaxed and forgotten. Times stops, thought stops, the world falls away and you enter into the current experience openly and naturally. You feel at home. You feel peace.

Now, look back at a time when "you" were in pain or discomfort. This might have come from "loosing" the happiness just described. In this state, the sense of self is heavy, upfront, and in the foreground. There is a strong sense of the past and worry for the future. The object of your pain or "lost happiness" is firmly in mind as being separate from you, attacking you. Time creeps by in a dreadful procession of minutes, hours, and days. The present experience becomes constricted within the body, submerged in thought, and lost in a hard, finite world. You do not feel at home. You feel suffering.

Notice the difference?

Suffering arises when the self is felt as separate from the experience. There is a "you" and there is a "pain" which is attacking the "you". Two separate things.

This occurs in any form of discomfort—mild or severe. If you are "freezing cold" it is because you have subtly created a line where "you" are on one side, and the "freezing cold" is on the other—making "you" uncomfortable. The same could be said for a harsh break-up, job-loss, etc.

On the other hand, when there is happiness, that's all there is! There is no "you" when peace comes. You and happiness merge into one seamless experience of freedom—a freedom where the "you" is not really there.

Upon realizing this, many people unconsciously say, "I must learn how to not be me! I must forget me!" However, attaining this loss-of-self is impossible through "personal" effort. You cannot remember to forget yourself. You cannot end you. That is a paradox. Happiness is only revealed naturally when the present experience is accepted for what it is, and the activity of a "you" stops on its own.

Most people endlessly search for definitive ways to trick themselves into a loss-of-self or happiness. Very innocently, they seek for a "new" and "different" experience that is separate from them, in an effort to forget themselves. They think it comes with a new car, spouse, drug, spiritual book, or religious practice that is somewhere outside of them. But remember, suffering only arises when the self is felt as separate from the current experience.

There are no "tricks," "techniques" or "objects" that can bring peace—because peace is all there is. Underlying and permeating every experience of "suffering" is the peaceful space that allows it to be. You, who are really just peace, confuse yourself to be separate from that which is happening. This "confusion" is a freedom that peace inherently owns.

Peace is absolutely free to be anything, even momentary "confusion".

The "problem" seems to arise when peace ties itself into a confusing knot, forgets that it has done so, and seems to "suffer" because it wants peace back—all the while forgetting what it naturally is. A metaphor might be a rope that takes the form of a knot, but never ceases to be rope. A knot cannot be without rope—a knot is made of only rope. Just the same, "confusion" cannot be without peace—"confusion" is made of only peace.

It is only the negative connotations implied with the experience of "confusion" that causes suffering (AKA forgetting that you are only peace).

In this sense, there is nothing to really "do" about suffering. Striving for happiness is "suffering". Striving for suffering to end is "suffering". If there is any effort at all, it is a gentle acknowledgment that "pain" or "something" has arisen in awareness, letting go of the label, and moving into the experience without judgment. It is a subtle release.

In truth, there is no real "moving into the experience" or "letting go of the label". There is just that which is arising, a recognition of it, and a release—all in one movement. Anything more than that is a self-centered game that keeps the illusion of "suffering" in place.

There is nothing more self-centered than devoting your entire life to ridding yourself of personal suffering.

Look deeply at the underlying motive to gain "liberation" or "happiness", and notice how it is all about "you" and your separation from peace.

How would it feel to just be what is happening, right here and now?

Beyond words. Beyond you.

How does what's happening feel?